The 7 years cycles and its connection to relationships
Where we learn and grow our feelings. The map of how to act and interpret is formed by the actions or in-actions of the people in our environment. We learnt the patterns of communications and our core relationship guideline from our parents. We learnt the patterns of communication with our siblings and also of our relatives and other people in our lives.
There is common saying that the “sins of the father are paid by the child”. It is not a great statement but its theory is quite accurate. Whatever a person has picked up from one or both parents is lived throughout the persons childhood.
A common example is that if there is violence in a relationship, the offspring will often duplicate this in their relationship because these are the tools they have learnt to work with in a relationship. Likewise, if there has been a dominant and submissive relationship between parents, the offspring will often take on the role of the same gender parent. If a person is in that type of relationship and have not learnt valuable tools so as to not fall into that pattern, it can often be that they take on the role of the opposite gender person i.e. if a persons mother was submissive and the father was dominant, in a rebellious offspring without the learnt tools will fall into being a submissive father or a dominant mother.
7 to 14 years (the second 7 years)
In this period, we are taking on the role of interaction within society and building our social skills. It is in this period that again the patterns of the first 7 years play a big part in your actions i.e. the dominant parent can result in a bullying child or a submissive parent can result in an overly emotional and at times dis-associated child (the degree being relevant to the dominant or submissive behavior in the parent).
As a child moves into the societal structure they explore patterns of behavior further and further into school and immediate social environment by testing the boundaries of behavior to see how far the parental boundary fences go and what tools they need to work with to achieve what they want in society.
14 to 21 (the third 7 years)
The teenage years. The years of angst for both parents and children. No longer a child, they are developing into adulthood and with that comes a whole series of lessons about relating to people and intimate relationships. The patterns learnt and expanded on in the first two 7 year cycles starts to become more and more refined to sculpt an understanding and image of what a person wants to be in life and the way they want to interact with others. This is not an image set in stone as we as human individuals can shape and reshape ourselves, time and time again in our lifetime, but this is the first stage of shaping of a persons individuality and there place and behavior in the structure of society.
At this stage, many of the behaviors learnt in the first 7 and 14 years play a major part in the play of life that each person has to work with. Successful, motivated, fear of success, feelings of inferiority, feelings of inadequacy, being a doer, an avoider, a motivator, a follower, an entrepreneur all of these behavior patterns have been adopted in the first 7 years and further developed over the next 14 years.
Co-operative, concerned, equal, loving, supportive, blaming, undermining, avoiding, running away, aggressive, passive and many more interactional patterns have also been developed as a result of the experiences and interactions of people in the first 7years and reinforcement in the second 7 year cycle (7 to 14 years) and further refined in the third 7 year cycle (14 to 21 years).
These patterns of understanding and interaction are taken into the various 7 year stages in life, into your relationships with your intimate partners, offspring, relationships in society and relationships in your work environments.
If you are finding that some of your interactional patterns are not working for you or you find you are in conflict with your intimate partner or people in your environment. Working with a Counsellor at Personal Freedom Counselling, to help you to pinpoint the patterns that you have incorporated in your life that are not working for you, can open many doors to personal satisfaction, a new level of communication with your partner or a new outlook on life.
Email, use our contact form to enquire or call on 0410 602 021 to organize a time to work with what you want for yourself.