How often do you feel that they are talking in a totally different language or in a totally different relationship?
It’s OK. You are normal, your partner is normal and your relationship is fairly normal as well.
One of the things that aren’t taught in the 12 years of your school life is that no matter what marks you got at school or what education, qualification and training you have, there is a strong likelihood that you do not know how to communicate to the people you are in a long term relationship with.
Communication types are not taught in schools or universities throughout the world, no matter how old and well known the different theories of people’s ways of understanding and processing information are. Great prophets, scientists and theologists such as Hippocrates, Freud and Coll have all shared their visions and research on the different ways of communicating and learning and still our education system teach everyone in the same manner.
Although you may be a person that feels emotionally loved by your partner when they buy you a gift and give you a loving hug, that it doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner feels emotionally loved in the same manner. Just as the way you communicate what you think and feel, isn’t necessarily going to be the same way your partner communicates and unfortunately, there is very little you can do to change those differences.
Let me explain -
Many people have different names for the different types of communication. I have listed the names I find easiest to work with (by Dr Francisco Coll)
Intuitive communication type– requiring facts, clear communication that quickly moves into action once all the facts are obtained. Does not have patience for too much detailed information and in fact looses interest in listening if people provide too much information. This personality can be very fair and great leaders, however, when under pressure, they can be very swift and factual with their communication and can be seen as cold and uncaring, although this is not their intent. Intuitive's work well with the big picture of an opportunity but are not good at defining and implementing the details. Intuitive's are attracted to the color Red.
Prophetic communication type – are able to tune into the big picture of what is needed instinctively and are able to communicate those facts in a Big Picture format for others to implement. These people can define areas of strengths and weakness’s in a project, opportunity or person and are able to define what is required to progress the project, opportunity or person towards the desired end. Prophetic's are always well dressed, can appear aloof, need to constantly graze on food to continue to stay focused and are often the center of attention in a group of people. Prophetic's are attracted to the color Purple.
Visionary communication type – forms a picture in their mind and try to recreate that picture in their life. They are perfectionists that can see what is needed in the future for a project and the step towards that future. Visionary’s need a lot of detail so they can develop the picture they need to work with in their mind. Without these details and the clear picture, they have difficulty operating and if they are unable to form or implement the picture in their mind they can easily fall into negativity. Visionary’s are attracted to the color Yellow.
Feeler – a feeler needs details to operate. This personality type are the people that fill in the details of a picture. Crossing the “T”s and doting the “I”s to enable a big picture to move into a real action. The feeler type can be highly organized and have a number of projects going at the one time. They are people that are often painters, artists, healers or in opportunities that require a lot of detailed focus. If a feeler does not feel a part of the bigger picture or doesn’t have the detail, they can make mistakes or fall into disorganization, resulting in a messy work or home environment. Feelers tend to pick up the feelings of the people around them and if they are not relaxed and clear with what they are doing and where they are at emotionally, they will easily pick up peoples physical ailments or go shopping and buy food that every other person they go past in the supermarket is wanting as well as their own because they pick up on their feeling. Feeler’s are attracted to the color Blue.
You need also to look at a variety of other elements. Many people add the dynamics of the star sign. In relationships, it is always helpful to be aware of Chapman's Five Emotional Love Language
This is when you say how nice your partner looks, or how great the dinner tastes, or how well they are doing at something. These words will also build your partner's self image and confidence.
Some people believe that being together, doing things together and focusing on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then give one another some undivided attention.
It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
Acts of Service
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, washing the car etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
When adding all the different dimensions of personality types and communication together, you can not be blamed for feeling confused and that you need a road map just to understand who you or what your partner needs.
Pamela England of Personal Freedom Counselling, has over 27 years of experience in the various communication types and her experience as a Relationship Counsellor can help you to find your way through the confusing path of communication, to assist you and your partner find a communication path that works for the both of you.